Utter Madness
by alphayamergo
Summary: Jeremy McKenzie taught Amy and Rory. Years later, he calls them in for a meeting about their daughter's behaviour. Who knew someone could be madder than Amy and Mels put together?


**I don't own Doctor Who.**

Jeremy McKenzie has taught a lot of children over the years, but none have _ever_ been as challenging as Idris Pond Williams.

When Jeremy moved from Leadworth to London three years ago, he had _not_ expected to be teaching the daughter of Amelia Pond and Rory Williams, two of his former students. Their daughter seemed to be madder than her mother and her mother's long since disappeared best friend put together, and caused a lot more havoc.

And she was driving him _insane._ Utterly up the wall. Bouncing off the walls, even.

In the three weeks since the beginning of term, she had called him an idiot and various other names he didn't wish to repeat because he said that aliens were nothing but elaborate hoaxes. She had immediately cited the spaceship over London in 2005, or the Dalek invasion of 2009, or even the Toclafane of the vanishing Harold Saxon, and how the government took aliens seriously enough to evacuate London one year. When he had replied that the government called each of them hoaxes, she made a rude noise and said that it would be _so_ hilarious to take him to Auntie Martha's work. To this day, he still had no idea what that meant.

He had called in the girl's parents to talk to them about the incident. His two former students sat awkwardly in front of him now. Neither had seemed to age much, like they're internal body clock had only just started clicking after years of being put on hold. Amy's hair was still as long and red as ever, and Rory had started to grow a beard. He only had a goatee at the moment, though.

"This is just like when Mels and I used to get detention and we dragged Rory into it with us," said Amy, breaking the silence with a nostalgic sigh. "We're down Mels, though, of course."

"I wonder where she is," said Rory in a speculative tone. He sounded more like their friend was on a trip around the world, not disappeared for ten years now and presumed dead. He exchanged a glance with his wife upon seeing Jeremy's face, and both looked very much like they wanted to laugh.

"Anyway, sir, what did you call us in for again?" asked Amy.

"You can call me Jeremy now, Amy," he reminded her.

"Yeah, I know, but…" She grinned at him. "It feels weird after you made me write down 'I will not use the Doctor as an answer for every question' in detention after a history exam." Rory snickered at this, causing Amy to elbow him.

"Anyway, I called you here to talk about your daughter," he told them, and paused, waiting for their reaction.

"I suppose she used the Doctor for an answer to every question in an exam, too," sighed Amy.

"Actually," said Jeremy, trying to resist an amused smile at Amy's expression, "she called me numerous names after I said aliens don't exist. She also put tacs on my chair, or tennis balls on the top of a slightly open door, and then insisted that it was proof of aliens."

Amy laughed, and Rory's mouth was twitching, and suddenly Jeremy realised just _where_ Idris might have gotten her odd personality from. "That's exactly like them," said Rory.

"Them?" inquired Jeremy.

"Aaaaamy! Rooooory!"shouted a man. Accompanying the words were the sounds of someone running.

"Mum! Dad!" Idris yelled.

The door to his office burst open and Idris stood next to a man in a bowtie who had picked up Idris a few times. Hovering behind them was a curly-haired woman in a furry coat and what looked like a gun strapped to her hip who always accompanied the bow-tie man. "Mum! Dad! We need your car, and one of you because I don't trust the Doctor or River's driving skills!" exclaimed Idris.

"Hey!" protested the two adults at the same time.

"Doctor, have you ever driven a car before?" The man made a 'well…' expression. "And River, you're a fifty-first century girl. They don't even _have_ cars then." The woman shrugged in an accepting manor.

"Why don't you take the TARDIS?" suggested Rory. "River can at least fly that."

"Hey!" exclaimed the man again.

"We _are_ having a meeting here," said Amy. "And Doctor, what did I tell you about helping Idris with her pranks?" The Doctor pouted.

"Whoever said I did help her prank her quite frankly boring teacher?" Amy raised an eyebrow. "Fine…" he complained.

"Mum! Not the time to be scolding the Doctor, there's homicidal goldfishes trying to take over, and we can't use the TARDIS or River's vortex manipulator because then they'd know we're there!" exclaimed Idris. She showed absolutely no sign of realising just how completely mad that sentence sounded.

Amy and Rory exchanged a look. "Alright," said Rory.

"I'm sorry, Mr McKenzie, but we've got to run. I hope we can continue this meeting some other time," Amy told him, before following her daughter and friends out of the room. Rory cast him one last apologetic glance.

"You'll have to get used to this," Rory told him. "This family has only gotten crazier since we got out of school." He ran out of the room after his family.

Jeremy sat down in his chair. He had never thought that _Rory_, of all people, could possibly get dragged into that. Sure, Amy and Mels had quite a grip on him at school but to this extent….

Idris' head popped back into the room. "Mr McKenzie?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"You might want to get rid of your goldfish. It'll try to kill you in precisely - " she checked her watch – "nine minutes and… seventeen seconds, although if you provoke it enough, it'll do it earlier. I recommend flushing it down the toilet. They never realise they're in danger until it's too late." She smiled brightly at him. "Good luck!" She ran off again.

Jeremy blinked several times. "I need a drink," he muttered.

The Ponds were by far the nuttiest people he had ever met.


End file.
